I have barely turned it off. I dance and cry and laugh and hide under my covers to it every day. It gets me out of bed and has made me feel things I'd forgotten. Not all welcome feelings, but important, sad, beautiful ones.
I have had Bottomfeeder buried in my head ever since I first heard it. I was sitting on my bed with Anna and simply burst into tears half way through. My larynx felt like it was being pulled out of my throat. I was feeling a pain that I should have let myself feel many years ago but never did. I still get that feeling every time I hear it, though it's not as bad as the first listening. As awful as it is at the time, when the song finishes I breath fresh air and am just a little more okay with everything.
It's always swimming around in my head which and I felt like it was a shame not to capture that passion I had for it somehow... I couldn't help but record it and put it somewhere and get it out of my system to an extent. It was so liberating.
So, yeah. Here, if you haven't seen. My first recording of anything ever. Unless you count my year 10 reciting of the periodic table that I used to play while falling asleep to memorise it.
...but you probably have seen it because I put it everywhere in the hope that it was terrible, someone would politely tell me and I could take it down as quickly as possible.
I know my singing is average at best but I've never really sung at all. The entire idea of myself singing is rather alien. Is that strange? I mean, I have loved and listened to music since I can remember but always felt unworthy to sing along to it. I guess that's something I've finally taken from Amanda...The idea of doing something because you love it and feel it, which will make it beautiful, irrelevant of how technically good it is.
I wouldn't mind if people said they disliked it but no one has (yet). People are being so supportive and wonderfully constructive; giving me voice exercises and abundant encouragement and love. I'm not looking for a career out of making music but I'd definitely be up for getting better at it. I am so overjoyed that people are taking time out of their lives to help me and not to be negative. It's amazing.
So really, what I wanted to say is thank you to everyone. You are all beautiful and I love you all.
...and thank you Amanda & GTO for making such phenomenal art, all the time and everywhere.
You can pay whatever the hell you want for the album HERE
long live the punk cabaret!